Here are a few things I’m obsessed with right now…
1) Tea! When I gave up drinking coffee a couple months ago, I switched over to tea. Since then, I have become quite the little tea connoisseur. My go-to drink of the moment is by a company called Harmless Harvest. They make an amazing raw tea with peppermint and agave, and it is so addictive that I actually began buying it by the case. I have also been drinking the Ginger tea by Yogi, which Sarah introduced me to a few weeks ago, and now I’m hooked. You can find both of these at any health food grocery stores.
2) Lorde’s new album “Pure heroine” has been on repeat in my bedroom and my car all week. I originally heard her single “Royals” when it first started getting radio play earlier this year, and I liked it, but It didn’t exactly make me want to rush to download the rest of her album. Just a couple weeks ago though, I was staying at Sarah’s place and she played “Tennis court” for me (which is now my favorite track on the album), and I instantly fell in love. This girl is dope! She has a really unique voice and sound, she is an incredibly talented songwriter and she’s only 17. I read an article that described her music as “chopped’n’screwed pop that paints pictures of us-against-the-world schoolkids”…I couldn’t think of a more perfect description. Make sure you also listen to “400 Lux” and “Team”, my other favorite songs on the album.
3) The Pete Holmes show! I have a major weakness for funny, awkward, hot-in-a-weird-way guys– and I’ve got a list of TV crushes that I watch every week/day who fall under that category… Conan, Tosh, Joel McHale, Jimmy Fallon, etc… and now I’ve added Pete Holmes to my list. He has a new show on TBS right after Conan, and I have been dedicating quite a bit of precious space on my DVR to him, so I never miss a show. Love him. I bet you will too.
Love you guys
I will be kinder to the person after you and I’m sorry for that.
When he goes for my hand I won’t pull away
He will see my smile more often than you did
I will wait up for him on late nights
I will let him hold me when I am feeling fragile
He will hear the 3 words that I could never say to you.
I’m sorry that you loved me when I didn’t love me.
God bless you and your ability to stay warm when I was always so cold.
I’ve recently had a lot of guys writing in asking me why girls are always passing up on the “nice guy”. This is something that I’m absolutely guilty of. Obviously every situation is unique and I can’t speak for all girls, so I will just speak for myself when I say that in most of those cases I just wasn’t mentally ready for a “good” guy.
I had a less than ideal family experience growing up, and because of it, I grew into a wounded animal that snapped at anyone who was trying to help. I was always hurting and most of the time I didn’t even know why. In my mind I just needed to be with someone who cared about me, hoping that it would make all of the sadness and anger disappear. That was my biggest mistake. I ended up on an endless cycle of letting the wrong people in and getting hurt. Adding heartbreak to my already aching heart just put my brain in complete disarray. I couldn’t even recognize a good guy or healthy relationship if it was staring me directly in the face.
It took me years to understand that I am not unlovable.
I know now that unless I have a healthy, loving relationship with myself, I’m never going to have that with someone else.
Love yourself first.
I hate jumping onto fashion bandwagons (i.e.: cats on t-shirts, socks with pizza slices on them, GIANT creepers.) So when overalls made their comeback during the summer I rolled my eyes and kept it moving. Cut to me in H&M last week falling in love with this pair of black overalls. I like them because even though they are overalls they still manage to be womanly and sexy, two things which are very hard to be when you’re 5’4 and wearing overalls. It took me forever to figure out what to wear with them until I was at goodwill and found this amazing vintage blouse for 2 dollars! I paired the outfit with my tallest wedges and a hat and came up with this outfit that I’m very much in love with. Don’t be afraid to go to Goodwill, I’ve found most of my amazing wardrobe staples there.
photographer: Rey Trajano http://www.reytrajano.info
Hat: Nasty Gal
Blouse: Thrifted from Goodwill
“My situation is Me and My sons Dad have been off and on since 9th grade, were 24.. He did a lot in the past while we were together.. I’m not perfect either.. I’ve done some things I’m not proud of just to get him off my mind.. Thing is I can’t trust him.. He tells me that he’s put the past in the past and I should do the same.. But the way I feel is if I put my trust in him he’ll just take advantage.. I’ve seen so many relationships fail around me including My parents.. So I guess my question is how do I move on? And all those years being off and on is it even worth fighting for? Sometimes I just feel like I’m losing it and don’t know what to do..” -K
You aren’t losing it. One of the most important elements to a healthy relationship is trust. You can have every other aspect of your relationship in working order, but if there’s no trust it will eventually all fall apart. If him being in your life romantically is causing you to be stressed and sad all of the time, you are never going to be able to heal.
Do what you need to do to heal.
Deciding if it’s worth fighting for is up to you. Think about your son and think about yourself. Maybe write out a list of pro’s and con’s and sit down with a therapist or a friend that knows you really well and talk it out. Lastly, You are not your parents and you are not your past, do not forget that.
*****I am not a therapist or a counselor if you are in an abusive relationship please seek help from a professional****
Sarah and I are OBSESSED with the Forever 21 bats and cats collection right now. We like to change it up every once in a while and this darker collection is perfect for fall.
We are also very into bright colored lipsticks and thought it’d be a great addition to brighten up the gothic mood of the outfit.
Thank you Forever 21!
hat and sunglasses: Forever 21 bats and cats collection
Lip color: obsessive compulsive cosmetics lip tar
photographer: Rey Trejano http://www.reytrajano.info
The first article of clothing that I ever bought online was a married to the mob t-shirt that said “Do I look like I give a fuck?” on the back of it. I still lived with my parents back then and shortly after I bought it, my mom threw it away because it was “too vulgar”. I ended up buying a new one which i still have to this day. Anyway, cut to the present and I’m still wearing clothes that my mom would probably jump at the chance to throw away and the married to the mob “oh hell” shirt is no exception. So just don’t tell my mom.
Cropped tank: married to the mob,buy it here: http://mttmnyc.com/collections/all/products/ohhell-cropped-tank
High waisted leopard panties: American Apparel
Thigh Highs: American Apparel
Fuzzy sweater: Forever 21
Our friends over at Married To the Mob sent us over some amazing gear! Married to the Mob clothing speaks to the feminist in all of us and we love them for it. Thank you MTTM!
check out their site here: http://mttmnyc.com/
Photographer: Rey Trajano http://www.reytrajano.info/
beanie: Married To The Mob
shirt: Married to The Mob
Shorts: Forever 21
Thigh Highs: American Apparel
In my last post I spoke about walking away from relationships that drain you (which I have done). But, I have also been on the other side of that coin. I have been a complete mess and unable to deal with what life was throwing at me, and then left totally alone because the person that I was supposed to be friends with did not know how to handle me and what I was going through (I do not blame them for this because I couldn’t even handle myself). In those times, I felt abandoned. Now, I understand that by walking away from me, they did me a great service. If someone doesn’t want to be in your life, the best thing you can do for yourself is to let him or her leave. Every time a close friendship has ended for me, it has been when I am at an extreme emotional low. After a certain point, whenever I started to feel low, I just expected that someone was going to leave me and I started to adopt a “leave before I am left” mentality. Even though I felt like this worked for me, it didn’t. I isolated myself, which just made my low even lower. My moment of clarity came when I turned on my phone after it had been off for a few days and the first text I received was a friend telling me that I could take as much time as I needed to be alone, but when I was ready to come back, she’d be right there. For the first time, someone didn’t let me walk away.
This is why I hold my friendships so close.
I have people that love me when I feel totally unlovable
I have people that want to be around me when I don’t even want to be around myself
I have people that let me know that I matter
I have people that let me know that I am not alone, ever.
All of the pictures you guys sent me made me cry. Your love for each other comes through every picture. Never let the small things get in the way of your beautiful relationships. Let your friends know how much they mean to you, they are your guardian angels.
These past couple of months have been such a strange, exciting experience for me. When I made the decision to venture away from the idea of having a “fashion/style” blog to making it much more personal, I never expected to receive the response that I did. If you know me in real life, you know that I am fairly quiet and I don’t really share much when it comes to how certain experiences have affected my life.
I had always felt like my pain was very unique, and I carried myself that way, living life like I was the only one that had ever been damaged.
It took me seeing someone that I care about in a great deal of emotional pain to realize that I wasn’t the only one.
So that’s what this blog is.
This blog is me telling you that you aren’t the only one that feels alone.
You aren’t the only one who has had shitty people in your life.
You aren’t the only one who has loved someone that didn’t love you back
You aren’t the only one who has felt bad for sleeping with the wrong person
You aren’t the only one who has felt disposable
You aren’t the only one that has given more than you actually have to give
You aren’t the only one who has been with someone that you know you shouldn’t be with
You aren’t the only one that has felt weak
You aren’t the only one who has tried to change for another person
You aren’t the only one who has fucked up (several times)
You are not alone
I never want any of you to feel that way. Thank you for always reading and never having a negative thing to say to me.
I used up all of my energy on you and now I can’t bring myself to get out of bed
I used up so many of my thoughts on you that I’ve forgotten who I am
I used up so much of my love on you that I have none left for myself
I gave you all that I had and you still picked away at me like a vulture picking at the remains of a carcass
I should have known. You always were the one to take the last piece.
Do you guys have any emotionally draining people in your life? This is something that I’m noticing so much more now that I’m living my life in a much more positive manner.
Back when my glass was always half empty, all of my relationships were extremely drained and I had no idea why. Now I see that it was my horrible outlook that was keeping me depressed and dreadful to be around. I’ve written about this before but it can’t be said enough, BE POSITIVE.
I learned the hard way that a negative attitude will bring negativity into your life.
I know that life is complex and some days it’s just not possible to put a smile on your face, and that’s okay. But when the opportunity presents itself, try and look at the brightside, it will change your world.
And if you have anyone that is draining the life out of you, it’s okay to walk away.